We have all heard it before, "He's not your first and he will not be your last." The thought of experiencing these emotions all over again with someone new is enough to make you want to just give up on love and shut down your emotions. You would think that being this young and ambition would land you in a position to be too busy for love and all the effects that it has on one's thoughts and feelings. If you're like and happen to fall victim of being that hopeless romantic who just wants someone to hold her at night and tell her she is loved in the morning then you would totally understand my struggles. I've always been ambitious, hard working, adventurous, creative, and a tad bit of a busy body. I love to keep my mind occupied and focused. Unfortunately that wasn't enough from keep my heart from falling in love a few times. I usually know that it's love when I see that person in a completely different light. Now, I'm not talking butterflies and puppy dog names, I'm mean when everything about that person intrigues you. That mole that once was annoying is now something that would upset you if it was no longer there; or that thing he does with his eye brows that once was just a funny face but now... oh now it's a turn on. The kisses are no longer sweet nothings, now they the gateway to your soul. Well, maybe not a gateway but you get the point. Everything starts to change. Now, what does one do when that situation comes to an end. It's not like a simple break-up, no this one is deeper. This break-up took time and energy away from you. This break-up drove you to watch marathons of Dr. Phil and now you find yourself obsessed with romantic comedies that have absolutely nothing to do with your life but some kind of twisted way you find yourself comparing your Raman noodle nights with long walks on the beach accompanied by some gorgeous actor that now, once you take a long squint at it, resembles everything about your ex. Trust me girl, those Ben & Jerry nights are tragic.
But don't you worry, this too shall pass. Just like that time you took that embarrassing plunge in the middle school cafeteria and you thought that your life was over, and that you would die of embarrassment. Yeah, this is probably worse but it still passes.
1. Stop Crying
-this is the part where you stop feeling sorry for yourself. Do not continue to play the blame game. Whether the break-up was caused by cheating, timing, distance, or whatever. Just tell yourself it's not your fault and take it as a lose.
2. Get Busy
-this does not mean bottle up your emotions and bury yourself in your work. NO no no no noooooo. This means to simply do things to get your mind off of that person and work on finding peace in your emotions so that you can handle them rationally. Go bike riding, paint, shop, hell you can even type up a blog to express your self to complete strangers, whatever floats your boat man.
3. Me Time, You Time
- spend some time alone. No rebounds allowed! The last thing you need is for your emotional ass to become romantically involved with anyone right now. It will only hurt you further and you may end up hurting someone else in the process. Just cool it for a while. Find what makes you happy and realize what you deserve. There's not set time limit on how long you should wait until 'getting back out there'. It really depends on the person and how well that person can handle their emotions. It may take weeks, or months, but it has to be on your time and what your heart and mind think.
4. One Foot In Front of the Other
- get back out there and date again after enough time has passed for your heart to pump love again. Sure it's scary and tiring but you have to take it one date at a time. No your heart may not be completely healed and it may never heal completely depending on the situation but THAT'S OK. Everything you go through in life teaches you something and opens up different emotions. Your brain soaks up what lessons you have been taught and it will send those lessons to your heart in the form of emotions that will signal a reaction to your heart letting it know that you have felt this before (This theory was not backed up scientifically but it does sound good). With those feelings in memory you know have a protective shield around your heart that makes it stronger and more resistant to hurt so that it may heal without being further damaged. You now have build up walls, which could be a bad thing if you hide behind those walls too often. Find balance in how much of your guard you decide to let down.
5. Love You
- the mother of all advises, love yourself. Continue to love yourself. Never stop loving yourself. If you have to, hug yourself. Tell yourself that you are beautiful. Make sticky notes with inspirational quotes that uplift you. Even when you are feeling crappy just look in the mirror and smile the biggest smile you can. If you look silly doing this then that means it's working because now you're smiling at yourself.
